Feeling Seen When You're Far From Home
Reflecting on a birthday gift that I received our first year living abroad
The first year we lived in Germany, one of my best friends from home (the one who knew how much I was struggling more than probably anyone) sent me a birthday gift from Etsy: a small glass jar filled with brightly colored slips of paper with friendship quotes. I took pictures of my favorites and four years later, I still enjoy when my phone reminds me of their existence.
Since I recently talked about children’s birthdays,
this seemed a good time to revisit my special birthday gift.
We all have different versions of ourselves - or rather different aspects - and how much we choose to reveal is related to how comfortable we are with another person. When we trust someone to see through our struggles and believe there is good inside of us, we feel secure.
I don’t have a wise spin to add here; this one just made me giggle. But in all seriousness, an effortless friendship is a treasure.
Perhaps when a friendship begins, one half of the pair is bolder and braver. But maybe over time, the less historically adventurous friend may choose to be a little more like the other. This doesn’t mean changing who we are and abandoning our sense of self; it’s making space for new interesting aspects adopted from people we care about. That’s a good influence!
Recently S asked me, “Mom, when you were in school, were you popular?” Despite the immediate ‘no’ that came to mind, I thought about how to answer his question before saying anything. I explained that I never considered myself ‘popular’ in the way TV shows or movies about school might depict the concept. However, I’ve always had friends I felt good and safe with - quality over quantity.
I think he’s increasingly aware of the change inherent in starting middle school next year, plus he’ll have an international move to compound it.
The people who mean the most to me somehow know just when I need a “Checking on you” text. Other times, they’ll listen to what I say and ask gentle questions to extract what I haven’t; they give me permission to voice the good and the bad.
The word authenticity comes to mind. With a true friend, you can be your whole self - not just the parts you think are widely acceptable.
These last several quotes are share-worthy even if I lack a personal anecdote:
This week’s post was short and simple, but I hope you enjoyed it.
I have a list of planned and tentative upcoming writing topics, but I’m also open to suggestions. Feel free to comment here or head over to my subscriber chat!
Special thanks to Kaila Krayewski from Creators Abroad for giving this piece direction and focus, especially helping with the title!
The quotes are amazing!
I know from own experiences how these international moves affect us and feel you. I hope you’ll remember your positive influence in the school community, your contribution to volunteering and how important you and the kids have been for my family 🙏
With each move on your path, you’ll keep influencing old and new friends. Anyone who’ll meet you will know how lucky they are💙 Your best friend certainly has had the best gift and quotes!