Let's talk about differences.
Join me in exploring inclusivity.
Belonging to an international school community benefits and educates our entire family. I have long been familiar with the word ‘diversity’ but it’s been more recently I became invested in a related, but distinct, principle: inclusivity.
L’s teacher from last year, now an Associate Principal, recently delivered a presentation about inclusivity.
Loretta Smith is a treasure (not just for her superhuman exhibition of patience with a roomful of four- and five-year-olds). Within the many wise words and thought-provoking concepts in her presentation, this line was my favorite:
“When children make a comment, we have a choice.”
A year ago, when L was still a student in Ms. Smith’s class, I had an awkward holiday experience with him; in a tour group, he noticed someone with a droopy eye. He pointed and asked me about it. I don’t remember my exact words, but I believe (hope) I quietly asked him not to point and told him we don’t talk about people’s bodies.
When school resumed, I shared the experience with Loretta and asked her for guidance on how to better handle such a situation next time. I knew (and still know) it’s important to answer children’s questions in a way that they feel comfortable continuing to ask them, but it’s also important they learn universal truths (such as respecting people’s bodies and personal space) from adults who love them.
I didn’t feel judged; her patience and grace are admirable and enviable. Therefore, when I found the link to her presentation, I knew it would be powerful. But I wasn’t prepared for how powerful it would be. I hope you will watch it and share this post with others.
I encourage you to comment on this entry if you have thoughts on this topic; perhaps I can explore others’ ideas in a future post.
I loved reading this — it’s such an honest reflection on a moment many of us have had as parents. That tension between wanting to protect someone’s dignity and also honouring a child’s natural curiosity is so real. I’ve thought about this a lot since becoming a mom to Theo, who was born with a limb difference.
When he was a newborn, I felt this huge pressure to always “handle it right” when kids pointed or asked questions. And truthfully, I didn’t always know how. But like you, I’ve come to realize that those moments are teachable — for everyone involved. We do have a choice. We can respond in ways that invite conversation instead of shame, that offer truth instead of silence.
I especially appreciated how you highlighted the difference between diversity and inclusivity. It’s one thing to celebrate uniqueness; it’s another to create the space where people feel seen, valued, and safe asking questions. Thank you for sharing Loretta’s wisdom and your own learning so vulnerably — I’ll be thinking about this for a long time.
This is one of the biggest topics that I advocate for. There’s a difference between ‘saying’ that everybody is included and actually making sure that they feel welcome and wanted. And there’s a HUGE difference between being tolerant of others’ differences and actually being accepting and welcoming.
I teach the youth that I mentor (Girl Scout Troop leader and Scouting America Scoutmaster) that it’s not just okay to pay lip service to things. We need to learn about different ways, different cultures, and different abilities in a caring and supporting way.
When I work with youth that have some sort of physical or mental diversity I always talk to the parents about their strengths and where they might be able to use additional support. Then I work with the scout and our scouts in leadership positions so that we can properly support them as much as possible but also allow them growth and independence.
There are times when we all need to keep our noses in our own feed bags. But there are also ways and times when respectful, interested, questions should be asked so that we are all better understood.